Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
