tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
this will be a night to untag.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
