One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
