How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
and you fell through a lawn chair
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