if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just gargled with NyQuil
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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