I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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