but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
