hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
