Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
