mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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