i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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