i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize