I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
