I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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