Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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