ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
