i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
