Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
