i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
