New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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