this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
