p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
