Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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