I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
