so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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