I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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