1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
