WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
