you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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