i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
