i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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