Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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