I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
