You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You can't just leave with hair like that
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
