Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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