She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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