First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize