We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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