we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
