If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
