It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
