My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
