tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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