How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
