Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
