I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
