She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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