if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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