Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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