Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
