nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
