I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
