every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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