I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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