Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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