***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
