sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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