I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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