I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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