During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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