Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
