when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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