Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
