i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
