You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
