Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
