I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
