were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
