I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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