I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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