Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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