We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
