whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
