I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
