who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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