who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
