If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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