i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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