then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
